Out and About a slightly more serious look at life at summers end
I wave goodbye to my longtime friends from the Steyning Bookshop who came for the Sunday food sharing day at the monastery.
They brought a homemade quiche , and by the time we got to the kitchen to get ours, it was all gone ,but though there was still plenty of food their quiche had all been taken , as was my Iceland pizza . Now what does that say , maybe people are noticing something different. Whatever it is my friends were pleased remember she had made it herself.
And that is one of the keys to friendship, the recognition that you exist and you’re liked, and you’re worth the effort . Another key is the shared interest with an acquaintance is not so personal as you’re not so familiar, therefore so tolerant of their behaviour. Because if there’s something jarring you don’t take it personally it’s them and it comes with the package. After all you chose them , which also means that you could drop them too. There not relatives, someone your born into, and somehow part of.
Let me give you an example of a real friendship.
My friend Johnathan, I’m sure he won’t mind mentioning him .
Around the time I met Claire my first and only wife, I met jon who was a friend of Peter who was going out sometimes with Claire. They were all musicians who were hanging out at Sussex University.
When we were courting we visited jon and family , he was then married to the famous Linda , but I better not go there.
So when our marriages broke down , we kind of got closer visiting each other , staying over etc . Jon had finally met a sensible lady who loved buying property all over Europe, and I stayed with them in Spain and Paris .
But the highlight of our European sojourn was when we went on a Zycling Adventure in France , the telling of which still keeps us amused . When we got To Paris, while taking in the Opera House someone came in with a couple of returns for that nights performance of Carmen by Bizet . This was a gift horse as its impossible to get tickets to popular shows. But we looked at it’s mouth , jon’s reason was Bizet was ignored in his life time and died in poverty and he wasn’t joining the bandwagon of the uncritical hoi paloi , Though initially disappointed , I couldn’t help admiring his rather eccentric moral position. And he was quite happy to stay on a settee at the famous bookshop Shakespeare and Company that is my usual first call when in Paris .
And we only just met up recently and had an incredible unrestrained catching up . Now this is a friendship .
So what’s spiritual friendship and is it any different. Well I was recently confronted with this as someone I thought was a friend reminded me that being part of group wasn’t the same thing.
Was he right , well if it’s within a group yes then he could have been as he hadn’t chosen me . The fact that I stay overnight and sometimes invited for a meal doesn’t make me a friend as I often have people stay overnight and feed them Warm Showers cyclist and SERVAS travellers. So have I been assuming too much , what I interpreted as “being sent to Coventry “ was only the rather raw expression of this fact . So a lot of our assumptions of friendships could be misplaced .
How about Facebook , what sort of friendships are those.
And finally our marriages that often fail. I have heard that the best marriage partners are between friends . I certainly made the mistake of marrying someone that came to me with insufficient shared interest, and I knew it but other considerations took their place. I welcome your comments .
Another look at anger from a professional Counselling standpoint
The Meditation Group
As you know due to a ‘misunderstanding ‘ I withdrew from the meditation group as I was confused as to the status I held within the group. I had assumed that I was seen as a friend , but after the ‘misunderstanding ‘ it was made very clear that this wasn’t the case. So when I received a request recently to host the group in my house ( this came from a member who only attends infrequently, but when she understood that I felt rejected she organised the meeting to be held at my house .) once again I’m assuming this was the case as the person didn’t fully explain her motivation. ( just to remind you that my “ misunderstanding With various group members shouldn’t be divorced from all of our own loss trauma which often includes irrational anger.)
So I’m waiting for the group to assemble in my far away abode wondering who will turn up , but at the same time distancing myself from any feelings of acceptance as I now recognise that the group is not really a friendship one but a study one , more like the excellent meditation and discussion group that meets in Midhurst. ( that’s not to say that some of the group meet at other times as friends , but this has nothing to do with the group as such )
I prepared the lounge , where we would hold the meditation with great care using a beautiful waxed batik of the Buddha as the alter piece with a back light , flowers, rosemary and sage from my garden , and grapes and quince purée from the same place. Background Japanese gongs from utube would play for a few minutes to start the meditation. After I would read a short piece Tolerance, from ‘ at the feet of the master’ a very early tiny booklet by Krishnamurti before he rejected the idea of an all powerful person. As you can see I am going to have a bit of fun .
Everything went well the lady who arranged for it to be in my house.made a lovely apple cake and my reading created a good discussion.
This is my latest electric bike that I discovered at a farm festival very recently and fell completely in love with and decided that I would use the last of my accident money to own the ‘dream’ bike. It’s officially a GSD S 10 with a powerful Bosch motor and carries 2 batteries, Magura 4 piston disc brakes, very strong 20inch tyres , weighs 60 lb , 10 gears , and not much longer than a regular bike. With its stretched rear it can carry 2 children or 1 adult passenger. And as you see in the picture can stand on its rear!
It has a centre stand , so you have to be careful putting it in position.
Today I’m riding the Tern ( the artic Tern is always on the move , and will live in more daylight than any other animal ) and it’s a trip to Brighton .
You could say it’s a shakedown ride to see how things go in filthy weather. I’m also trying out so called wet weather gear . The ride to chichester was very wet , but the tern sailed through as you would expect of a bird that travels the poles.
I was carrying proven wet gear to replace the failed garments. I’m taking a cheap day return to Lancing to check out the gear I ordered.
And the rain came down, I was saved by the shop as the yellow Hi Viz waterproof I was trying out was only showerproof. But I go mad in this shop as I was carrying a thoroughly waterproof jacket , but I saw a waterproof high Viz jacket with hood and as it looked as if the heavens were going to open up again
I acquired it.
Of Course it was a passing storm and the sun almost broke through.
Well the ride was easy as a strong wind carried me along and into Brighton.
But Freedom Bikes the Brompton dealer in Brighton was closed , must be holiday time , but no notice on the door . Had a good look at the latest ride on the seafront , an enormous moving doughnut. I suppose the Victorian rail in the water must have raised a few eyebrows . As the wind was so strong I picked up the train in Hove and had a bit of an augment with passengers who were occupying the area where the bikes go . The rest of the carriage was half full but they refused to move . What do you make of that? It’s not just car drivers who seem to resent cycles . What is the world coming to ?
Fairly dry ride from Chichester but the battery packed up about 5 miles from home . So I got about 60 miles of hard battery work , so not bad .
Just watched this Palestinian film very good . But to be balanced do watch the Israeli movie Walk on Water
And A Good American
The Texas cyclist who gives bikes away to the needy
And finally may I suggest a web site with excellent daily meditations
- Better leave it for now , I think the TERN has truly flown , PLG Tony